knowing what could have been
by sanchie
Summary: ami loves makoto makoto loves ami neither know the other's feelings an argument seperates them can a reunion by usagi give them the chance to find out what could have been?
1. Default Chapter

What Could Have Been  
  
By sanchie  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of sailor moon. Never have never will. I have no money so don't sue me. Author's note: this is my first fan fiction. If you don't like the idea of two girls in love you might want to link to another story. If it doesn't bother you then please read on and hopefully enjoy.  
  
What could have been if we had stayed together? Would we have been happy or sad? Are we better off or worse? Could our love have grown or worsen? I am still alone and think of you often. Many memories come to mind. Times of happiness and of sadness. I'll never regret our time together. I have never been happier than with you. Do you ever think of what could have been? Do you ever miss our time together? What could have been if I had stayed? Why did I let you push me away? What could have been if we had not listened to the world? I want to come back and find out what could have been. Do you ever wonder what could have been? Could we have been happy together? I want to know what could have been.  
  
Ami looked at what she had just written in her lab-top. Even though she was a world-renowned doctor she found that her true passion was poetry. She had published her first collection when she was twenty-two. Now three years later she was working on her third collection. People always asked her who the person was in her poems. She always shrugged it off and said it was no one specific. Many thought it was Greg. Only Usagi, knew the truth.  
Ami was in love with Makoto the famous chief. Makoto of course did not know. Ami fell in love with her from the first second she set her eyes on her. The two were the closest in their group of five. As time went on, Ami's feelings for the brunette became even stronger and out of fear she began to distant herself from Makoto. One day the distance was too great for Makoto to handle causing the two to have a fight which resulted in Makoto leaving. Neither have spoken since.  
Ami often regretted her coward ness. If only she had told Makoto. She often thought of asking Usagi for her number but would chicken out every time she spoke with Usagi. Usagi was the only one who kept in touch with the old group. Everyone got their information from her. Thinking of Usagi reminded Ami that she was coming over soon. Ami turned off her lab top and set about making tea. Soon there was a knock on the door. Usagi had finally gotten to where she was on time for everything now. It still surprises Ami how this girl grew up from the first time she met her. Usagi still had some of the traits that made her Usagi, though.  
"Ami how are you?" Spoke Usagi as she gave Ami a hug. "It's been awhile. Why haven't you called lately?"  
Hey Usagi, well I've been busy getting these poems. I get them published next week." Ami said as they went to the couch.  
As they sat down Usagi spoke. "Welp you are going to have to finish them at my house. Coz I will not have you missing another of my get togethers. Ami you've got to quit avoiding the girls. They all worry about you."  
Ami got off the couch and looked out the window. "I don't know Usagi, I'm not sure if I can go. I have so much to do. And plus I have my day job to consider. I can't just run off you know that."  
"Just say it Ami, you don't want to face Makoto. I've already check with the hospital. You have plenty of vacation time that you haven't used. Ami it's not healthy to cut everyone off and bury yourself in your work."  
Ami still hesitated. "I don't know Usagi. I don't think I could face her. There's peace now I just want to live my life alone away from most people. Just work on my poetry and help take care of kids. I don't want to go Usagi, alright?"  
Ami started to walk away when Usagi grabbed her arm. "Dammit! Ami don't you get it! Both of you are miserable! I'm not going to stand by any longer and watch you two wastes away. I'm tired of you being such a coward. You are going to come. You can write while at the mansion. We are all going to have a good time and get to know each other again. I'm tired of being the only one that still knows all four of you. So pack your bags and let's get going. Do you understand me?"  
Ami could only nod dumbfounded and quickly went to get her things. She had never seen Usagi this angry before and didn't dare go against her queen's orders. Ami was afraid of going to this get together. Afraid of seeing Makoto again and owning up to the fight they had had all those years ago. Shaking her head, she followed Usagi out of her apartment and to her friend's home. 


	2. we meet again

Knowing what could have been 2-we meet again  
  
"Hello?" called out Makoto as she entered Usagi's mansion. The gigantic house seemed to be deserted as she walked around looking for some form of life.  
"We're in here, Mako," called out Mina as she heard Makoto's third call.  
Makoto followed the voice and soon found herself in the entertainment room with Minako, Rei, Luna, and Artemis. Makoto looked at the group as they exchanged 'hellos.' The three had changed so little over the years as far as looks were concerned. Minako was now a famous volleyball player and was looking for her true love she still had her deep, blue eyes and sun golden hair. Rei now ran the temple she grew up at and still had her air of authority about her; her hair was a little shorter by a few inches but was still as black as the crows she loves and amethyst-colored eyes. Makoto was now a world renowned chief and champion in martial arts competitions her hair was still shoulder-length and light brown her eyes were a deeper shade of emerald. The three exchanged small talk while they waited on Usagi to arrive.  
"We're hereee," called Usagi as she and Ami came into the mansion. The girls came out to meet Usagi and stopped short of who they saw standing next to Usagi shyly. Rei and Minako couldn't believe their eyes at first. There was Ami; no one had expected her to come. The pair immediately went to their little friend and hugged her. Makoto walked out of the entertainment room and lost her breath. The last person she expected to see in the world was standing right before her.  
Makoto looked at Ami thoughtfully as Ami was smothered by Rei and Minako. Artemis and Luna were standing around her as well. Ami, Makoto observed, was as beautiful as ever with her short blue hair that carelessly fell about and the deep ocean blue eyes that held that glint of shyness and curiosity in them. Ami felt someone staring at her and looked up and was caught in Makoto's emerald eyes. There she was Ami could hardly breath. Time and their surroundings slipped away as the two stared into each other's eyes.  
Suddenly the moment was broken when Minako grabbed Makoto by the arm and pulled her over to Ami. "Come on now come and say hi to your long lost friend."  
There was an awkward look in Makoto's eyes. "Hi Ami, long time now see. How are you?" Makoto couldn't bring herself to look into Ami's eyes.  
In a quiet small voice Ami replied, "I've been doing ok how bout you Mako? How are things in the chief business?"  
"It's going well keeps me busy to say the least."  
"Ok you all I think it's time I show you to your rooms." Usagi cut in much to Makoto's and Ami's relief. The group followed Usagi as she led them to their quarters for the stay. Minako's and Rei's rooms were on either side of Usagi's and Ami and Makoto's rooms were down the hall next to each other. The girls were left to unpack and were meeting down for super in thirty minutes. Ami unpacked silently with images of good times she had had with Makoto up to that night of they're fight. She wasn't sure how she was going to handle being around Makoto again. So much time had passed by and that night still lingered in her mind as though it had happened just yesterday.  
Ami went to put her shampoo in the bathroom when she bumped into Makoto who was also doing the same. It caught both girls off guard when they saw who the other was. As luck would have it their rooms were adjoined by the bathroom.  
"H-h-hi Mako sorry I didn't see you there." Ami spoke. The two were still very close and neither could quite move yet.  
Taking a step back Makoto replied, "It's ok, Amesss I should've been watching where I was going." Makoto started looking around the room. "Well it seems that you and I have to share the same bathroom. I hope that's ok with you."  
"Umm yea it's fine with me as long as it's fine with you."  
Running a hand threw her hair and resting her hand on the back of her head Makoto spoke. "Listen umm I think you and I probly need to talk at some point. Our last meeting didn't exactly end very well."  
Ami moved her eyes away from Makoto. "Yea I guess we do need to talk at some point perhaps after dinner at sometime after we meet with our friends for a while?"  
"Yea sure that'll work. Speaking of super I think it's almost time that we meet the others downstairs. Would you mind if I walk with you?" Makoto spoke. She watched as Ami thought about this and held her breath. After all these years Makoto still loved Ami even though she thought Ami would never return her love. Seeing her now brought back up all the feelings she had tried so hard to suppress throwing herself into her work as well as her martial arts.  
"I'd like that." Ami replied as she moved towards the door leading to Makoto's room. "Let's go out threw here since it's closer to the stairs." Makoto followed Ami out of the bathroom and out of her room into the hall where the pair walked in silence to meet their friends.  
Dinner was spent mostly of the group catching up on one another's lives. Everyone had things to tell and was for the most part happy with their lives. Even though the food was good Rei and Minako asked that Makoto cook for tomorrow. Ami kept stealing glances towards Makoto, and little did she know Makoto was doing the same. After super the five ended up in the entertainment room with coffee and spent a lot of the night talking about everything and nothing at the same time. After awhile it seemed like old times when they had sleepovers at each other's homes. It was late when the group decided it best to turn in for the night.  
Makoto followed Ami back into her room and sat on the window seat. The two had a lot to discuss starting with the fight that had driven them completely apart.. 


	3. what do we do now?

Knowing what could have been-3-what do we do now?  
  
"Well," started Makoto. "I guess I'll start by saying I'm sorry for the fight all those years ago. I shouldn't have blown up like I did. It's just that you were pushing so hard to get away from me that I just didn't know what to do. Not that it was your fault that I reacted the way I did. I regret that night with all of my heart."  
"It's not completely your fault Mako. I was pushing away." Began Ami slowly, "There was things, feelings really, that were confusing me. I couldn't help but to push away. It's my nature to move back into myself as a protection. I never meant to hurt you I shouldn't have snapped at you. I guess we both made our mistakes. Let's just both apologize and start over, ok?"  
Ami looked at Makoto while she thought this over for a second. "Yea, sure, let's start over. I want to know one thing before we do though. Why? Why did you feel like you had to pull away from me? Was it something that I did? I just keep thinking that I was the one that drove you far away from everyone." Makoto looked back out the window as she said this.  
"It's not what you did Mako. Nor was it really you at all. Yes it involved you but it was more things in me. I was afraid that you'd push me away. That you'd find out and you'd leave so I in a way just wanted to leave so I wouldn't get hurt. It's stupid I know that I shouldn't have thought like that, but it's so hard to break my old habits." Ami looked away from Makoto as she trailed off her thought. She didn't know what to say next she was still afraid of what Makoto would think if she told her that she was and is in love with her.  
"You still haven't said why you left. You just said what you did." Makoto moved from where she was sitting to stand close behind Ami. "You can tell me anything. You know that. I won't ever turn away from you. No matter what it is, I told you once, I'd never leave you out in the cold." Makoto spoke softly putting her hand on Ami's shoulder.  
"I wish I could believe you, but I can't risk it. Let's just drop it and move on, ok?" Ami said. She was very aware of how close Makoto was and how good her hand felt on her shoulder.  
"Ami." Makoto said a little more forcefully. "Look tell me what these feelings are that you feel would drive us apart, and I'll tell you something that you don't know about me. You never stayed around long enough for me to tell you. Please.." Makoto had moved from her hand on Ami's shoulder to both her arms around her waist and was speaking softly into Ami's ear. .  
They stayed like this for a few minutes past memories of nights where Makoto would hold Ami close to her when Ami was upset, trying to coax what was bothering her out of her. It always seemed to work in the past, so she figured now was no different. Ami hadn't flinched away so Makoto stayed where she was.  
"Mako don't push." breathed Ami trying to resist the comfortable imbrace. "I'm not sure I can tell you now. I've kept it hidden for so long."  
"Please" repeated Makoto.  
Ami sighed and a tear escaped her eye. "Alright, I'll tell you." Ami hesitated and Makoto gave her a small squeeze for encouragement. "I'm in love with you, Mako." Ami's words were barely a whisper.  
"I love you too Ami. I've always loved you. Just too coward to tell you, and when I finally got up the nerve to tell you. You wouldn't let me near you." Makoto spoke this quietly at the end of her words she gently kissed Ami's ear.  
Ami couldn't move. Makoto didn't shove away from her. She did the exact opposite she told Ami that she loved her too. There was no diguest, no anger, no being slapped, or being left completely alone. Ami didn't know what to do. She felt Makoto kiss her ear again and then she kissed her neck at her pulse point.  
"Ami you ok? Hello?" Makoto was a little worried when Ami froze up and wouldn't move.  
"Y-y-yea sorry I wasn't expecting you to say or do that." Ami spoke. She leaned into Makoto more and Makoto's arms tightened more around her.  
"So you want to give it a go? See if you and I could work?" Makoto asked hestitantly.  
"Yes I would like to know if it would work out between us. Let's see how it goes this weekend; see if we are still compatible. I've changed and so have you we need to get to know one another again. Ok?" Ami turned and watched Makoto as she said this. After thinking on it for a minute Makoto nodded her head. "Ok I get that. Sooo what do we do know?" "Well I think we should get some sleep and then in the morning play catch up." Ami replied. "Ok well good night then I guess." With that Makoto gave Ami a peck on the mouth and made her way to her room for what was left of the night. 


	4. past and present

Knowing what could have been-4-past and present  
  
The next morning Ami woke up at her usual Six am time. She drowsily made her way down the stairs to the kitchen. Just before she entered Ami caught whiff of strawberry and blue berry pancakes. She went and stood in the door frame and watched Makoto cook unnoticed. Her mind began to drift back to another time that she remembered Makoto making this combination pancake.  
It had been a terrible stormy night and Ami's mother had to work all night at the hospital. Ami had a fear of storms ever since she was a little girl. She hated having to stay home alone when it stormed. Makoto had called over to her house to ask about a math problem and noticed Ami's discomfort. Makoto asked if Ami wanted her to come over and stay the night. The two stayed up most of the night drinking hot chocolate and talking. The next morning Ami woke up in her bed with the smell of pancakes coming into her room. She made her way to the kitchen to find Makoto cooking strawberry and blue berry pancakes. She had gotten up early and got the ingredients and was back cooking before Ami had awakened... Ami had watched her cook in the door frame as she did now. She loved watching Makoto cook. Well actually she just liked watching Makoto. She loved to watch her train best though. She watched all of Makoto's tournaments even though Makoto never knew it. "Hey earth to Ames." Makoto said bringing Ami back to reality. "Huh, oh hi," Ami blushed. "Morning, love. Care to tell me what you were thinking about?" "Just old happy memories from the past. Pancakes huh? Yum," Ami gave Makoto a small kiss and hug before moving to get some of the pancakes on a plate. "I haven't had any of these in years, but why are you up so early cooking breakfast when you know that the others don't get up so early. Come to think of it when did you ever become an early riser? You use to sleep in as much as possible back in our school days." "Yea, well I've got three restaurants to run now and they require a lot of paper work during the day. I was cooking this early because I know that you get up at this early hour no matter what. And I figured no sense in you starving waiting on the rest of us to get up. I'm fixing some more in a bit. I just thought that you'd like some pancakes before you start on your writing." Makoto babbled sheepishly. "You're still as sweet as ever you know? Thanks." The two eat breakfast exchanging small talk in between bites. Later Makoto started on breakfast for the rest of the group and Ami went back up to her room to get a shower and write a little more on her poems. Later that day the five decided to go horseback riding to the river for a picnic and swimming. It was a warm summer day, the sun was out and birds were singing. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and everyone was having a good time. They found a nice little place along the riverbank and spread out the cloth. Everyone was laughing and playing and eating having a grand time. After eating lunch Minako, Rei, and Usagi all laid down to take a nap before they went swimming. Ami and Makoto decided to explore a little and found a beautiful spot under a waterfall. Ami immediately dove in and swam underwater for a spell before resurfacing and facing Makoto. "Common, Mako. The water's fine and it's so hot out of the water. Come swim with me." Makoto looked at the water hesitantly. "I don't know it looks really cold in there." Ami gave her a sly grin. "I'll keep you warm, but it's not cold at all though. It's warm I promise. Come on please? It's not like I'm asking you to jump off the waterfall. yet." She spoke in a playful voice. Makoto sighed and started making her way towards the water. "You better not be lying about the water not being cold Ames, or there will be consequences," With that Makoto dove in and resurfaced next to Ami. "You are a lucky girl it's not cold." Makoto gave Ami a little kiss. Next to Ami in the water reminded Makoto of another time that Ami had begged her to go swimming with her. Makoto refused for the thirty-first time that she didn't want to go swimming, but Ami wasn't going to give up easily. She kept pressing Makoto to come into the pool with her but she had no luck. Finally after many attempts Ami coaxed out Makoto's reason for not swimming with her. Makoto had gotten frustrated and angrily told Ami that she couldn't swim and to leave her alone; Ami was shocked, but instead of letting go she made Makoto get in the pool at the shallow end. The pair spent the rest of the day teaching Makoto to swim. The pair once a month went to the pool to swim after that. Makoto was brought back to the present when Ami gave her a kiss. She smiled shyly and began to swim towards the waterfall. Makoto followed behind trying to catch up with Ami. The two made it to the shore next to the waterfall and got out of the water. Makoto grabbed Ami's arm as she started to go up the side of the waterfall. "You aren't about to do what I think you are going to do are you?" Ami gave her a smile and pulled Makoto up with her. "No way Ames, that's way too high." "No it's not. Come on it'll be fun the water is deep enough. You know out of the two of us people wouldn't guess that I'm more adventurous than you. You don't have to dive just jump." Ami spoke as they finish climbing up the cliff. "I'll go first to show you that it's safe," and before Makoto could stop her Ami dove over the waterfall. Makoto watched for Ami to resurface and was relieved when she saw her come up smiling. Makoto slowly backed up getting ready to jump. She took off running and flew off over the waterfall. She hit the water and disappeared under it. She snuck behind a frantic growing Ami. She came up and pulled Ami underwater. Ami turned and faced Makoto with an angry look but the look didn't last long. Makoto still had her arms around Ami and moved in to kiss her. Kissing underwater was different from kissing out of water; it was somewhat more intense. The two kissed until air became a serious issue and resurfaced. They heard the others coming they're way and Ami blushed. Soon the others were there and all were swimming and having a good time. The group spent the rest of the day at the river and was very late getting back to the mansion. Everyone was tired and made their ways to their rooms. Makoto was sitting down to brush her hair when Ami came in. She quietly made her way to Makoto and took the brush out her hand. Ami began brushing Makoto's hair. "Your hair is so soft Mako. I always did love brushing it. I had a good time today." "Me too," replied Makoto. "We have one more day before we go home. How about we ditch everyone in the morning? You can work on your works and I could hang out with you and we talk some more?" "Sounds like fun." Said Ami as she finished Makoto's hair, "I think I'm going to go to bed now though, I just came in to say good night, love." Ami gave Makoto a kiss and then made her way back to her room. 


	5. last day

Knowing what could have been-5  
  
One happy morning  
  
Ami and Makoto woke up early the next morning and snuck out of the house leaving a note for their friends not to worry. It was a beautiful, clear morning, and the pair made their way to a weeping willow they had found the day before.  
  
Soon Ami and Makoto had settled under the tree and were lost in their own worlds. Ami wrote her poems while Makoto laid on the grass and watched her. It was the little things in life that Makoto truly treasured and this was the most valuable of her little things treasure. She never in a million years believed that she'd be here today and up at this unearthly hour with Ami, her Ami.  
  
"You know if you stare too hard you'll hurt your eyes. There's a reason why people blink," Ami playfully said to her.  
  
"Hmmm you sitting there and my getting to see you, is totally worth the loose of sight. You are beautiful you know that?" Replied Makoto as she moved to kiss Ami. "Tell me though; what are we going to do when we leave here? Is this a weekend fling or..?"  
Ami took Makoto's hand and looked her in the eye. "Mako I never saw this as a fling. And when we leave here I plan to further this with you. When we get back to the city I want to get together with you. I lost you once I'm not going to let that happen again." Ami kissed Makoto's hand for emphases.  
  
"I like that. You didn't drive up here so I'll take you home tomorrow and we'll go from there."  
  
The two agreed to this and went back to their comfortable silence. They girls found them an hour later and the five went for a hike. They spent the evening talking about old adventures, old friends, and sipping on wine. They laughed at past mishaps and sighed over past mistakes. Soon it was late and all were too worn out to go up to bed so they all slept on the floor in the living room. 


	6. first night home

Knowing what could have been  
  
Ami came down the stairs with her bag and notebook where the others were getting ready to say good-bye. Makoto moved to take Ami's bag and went to put it in the car and soon returned to the others.  
  
"Don't be a stranger Ami," Rei stated as she and Ami hugged good-bye.  
  
Everyone took turns saying their respective byes. Soon everyone was on their way with Usagi watching as they go.  
  
The drive back between Ami and Makoto was relatively quiet with the occasional word between the two. The mood was light when they reached Ami's apartment. Makoto went up with Ami and the two went in.  
  
"Nice place you got here, babes." Makoto spoke looking around. She took a seat on the couch while Ami sat in a chair.  
"Thanks. Its home. I can't wait to see yours."  
  
"Yea it's a small little place but it's doable." Makoto ran her hand thru her hair. "Umm you want to get together a little later this week? I have to go to the restraint tomorrow for inventory but other than that I should be free."  
  
"Sure. How bout Wednesday night?"  
  
"Wednesday sounds great." Makoto got up and moved to kiss Ami. "Well I guess I should b going I have a really early morning. Heh no more easy days time to get back to reality. I'll see you Wednesday."  
  
Ami got up and waked her to the door. "Love you sweetheart. I'll give you a call later. Take care. Oh and Mako. I think we need to get something for Usagi as a thank you. If she hadn't of made me come with her I would've have ran into you and gotten this second chance. I wonder how she does it."  
  
"Yea. She always seems to know how to help those around her. Gotta love her." Makoto gave Ami a quick kiss and headed out of the building.  
  
Ami watched Mako walk down the street and smiled to herself. I guess everything always works out in the end.  
  
With a small smile on her face Ami turn off all the lights except for a lamp and sat down to write. Poems flowed from her pen that night unlike any before..  
  
Done not the best ending I know but it's my first sawy yall. Neways hope yall enjoyed it. 


End file.
